Bastian's Birth

I am really good at quitting. There are so many things I have started and gave up on. I get discouraged easily and once my confidence wavers I assume I'll never be able to accomplish or be good at the task, so I quit.

In one of the first conversations Cameron and I had reflecting on Stella's {birth} we decided no matter what it took we would choose a well qualified midwife to attend our next child's birth, preferably at home. I knew I had to do whatever it took to make sure I didn't quit on natural child birth. I threw myself into preparations as soon as I knew I was definitely pregnant. I revisited the same techniques I used for Stella's birth, but with more fervor. I re studied self hypnosis (deep relaxation) using the Hypnobabies method. I read Ina May's books Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Child Birth They include several great birth stories and information on the mind/body connection). I watched every natural birth video and read every birth story I could find, focusing on births that used water and self hypnosis for pain management.I saw my chiropractor every other week. I stretched and stayed active.  My husband and I worked through a lot of issues, most often through intense arguments. I asked God to show me my fears and we worked through them through prayer, journalism and worship.

I preface our birth story with this because although I believe any woman can give birth naturally in pretty much any circumstance with little or no knowledge about natural birth, I felt that to give myself the best possible opportunity and experience it was necessary to  work on all of the baggage and negativity about my body and birth that have built up in my mind and heart . I had 20 years of negative images and experiences I had to deal with. I wanted to fully surrender to God's design for birth.  The result? Overall, I had a extremely comfortable, enjoyable experience. It was magical, actually.

On June 30th I was at 40 weeks 3 days. I drove up to Gentle Birth Options for an appointment. I think it was at 10 AM. My midwife swept my membranes, with my permission, to get things kick started. I called Jessie, my friend and doula from Stella's birth, to let her know things could get rolling anytime. My mom and youngest brother were hanging out with Stella at my house. We decided to go to the Thai market to get some last minute ingredients for my post postpartum meal. At 2:30, I walked out the door chatting with Jessie on the phone and felt an involuntary release of fluid. My shorts were soaked. I looked at my mom and exclaimed, "I think my water just broke!" The phone calls started: midwife, Cameron, dad, etc. My mom took video of me blowing up my birthing tub. Cameron arrived and as a team we straightened up the house, prepped food, and I finished preparing the birthing room. I wasn't feeling anything but braxton hicks like pressure.

When Jessie got into town she headed over and I decided I wanted a little mommy time, so the two of us headed up to Starbucks which is a 2 minute drive from my house. When we walked in we saw some familiar faces....my birth team!!! It was such a surprise. Cindi, my midwife, was on her way. They had me walking around Uptown Station to help speed things along. We ended up heading back to Starbucks and chit chatting for a while. It was fun to experience them outside of appointments and La Leche League meetings. Around 9:30 PM we headed to the house to see how things were going. I was still really comfortable and feeling minimal pressure.

When we got home I took the opportunity to spend some time hanging out with Cameron while my dad and birth team watched Orgasmic Birth. Ha ha! That must have been an interesting experience for him. I'm just glad I wasn't watching it with him.(by the way, when I refer to birth team I'm speaking of my midwife, the 3 birth assistants, Jessie, and the photographer, it's just easier than listing everyone)

Stella became very enamored with and attached to Jessie that night, and when she left to go nurse her daughter at home Stella freaked out. She was exhausted and SO much was happening. I haven't heard her scream like she did but a couple times in her life. I took her into my room and rocked her to sleep singing the Barney song. I felt it coming. I rushed over to the tile and more water was released. A HUGE gush this time. All the while singing "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..." and rocking back and forth. Stella fell asleep in my arms while all of this happened, so Cameron came and took my bottoms off and wiped me down. I put her in bed and told the team the news. I think that I went to the back again to relax, but I still felt only minimal pressure.  I thought if I wasn't trying so hard to "feel" something I would relax better and get things going. When I came out into the living room Cindi encouraged my family and I to get some rest. I have to admit I was bummed. I was so ready for everything to happen that night, but the reality was I was still in early labor. They were going to go check on a momma in Crestview. I think it was around 11 PM at that point.

Cameron put my Hypnobabies CD's in and blew out all but one candle. He was so supportive. We relaxed in bed, he rubbed my back, and each time I felt pressure he embraced me and told me "peace." I dozed off a few times, but couldn't sleep through the pressure waves. Stella woke up at some point and he brought her in our bed. Our last night as a family of three.

I woke up at 3 AM and knew things were picking up slightly. My dad has this amazing walk in shower with a rain-like shower head. I alternated between taking showers and sitting on an exercise ball, all the while listening to Fleet Foxes and Joni Mitchell. Singing, rocking, squatting. This was one of my favorite moments of the whole experience. I was alone, naked, fully woman, encouraging my son to make his presence. Comforting myself with movement and song.

Then I had a bowel movement. I knew it wasn't him coming, but at the same time I couldn't help but think about those women that didn't know they were pregnant who go to the bathroom and out pops a baby! Haha, so I had a little nervousness getting through that. Afterwards it was reassurance that my body really was getting ready. I kept having to tell myself "This is really happening. You are really going to have another baby. Soon."

Around 5 AM I woke Cameron. I needed my midwife and birth team. I was getting uncomfortable and wanted to get into the tub, but had to wait for them to arrive. He called, and they let him know they were going to deliver a baby in a few minutes and would head over as soon as possible. I woke up Jessie to let them know they were on their way. I felt so bad that they would have no sleep, but once they arrived you could hardly tell.

I got into the pool and it was very relaxing. There was a sweet moment when Stella came in. I had an orange storage tub for birth supplies that was empty. She sat in it with one of her babies. Her own birthing pool just like mommy. It made my heart so happy to see her, but Cindi suggested that there was too much action going on for me to focus, so Jessie took her out to my mom and dad. I'm pretty sure everyone else left so Cameron and I could be by ourselves again. Time went on. I was still so comfortable in the water, but something was worrying me.  I kept thinking to myself, "This still doesn't feel as intense as it should." I couldn't figure out if I was just so relaxed because of the self-hypnosis or if I wasn't progressing. I had someone get Cindi and expressed my concern to her. She recommended squatting. Out of the pool and onto the ball. They gave me a washcloth with clary sage (oh it smelled wonderful!) to  strengthen my contractions, I used my breast pump and squatted on the ball. When the pressure waves came I would lean back into Cameron and felt 100 times stronger. At this point I felt a little uneasy, but not because of pain. I really didn't want to be transferred after all of this. I kept asking myself "What if I don't progress?! Things have got to get going." Cindi suggested that maybe my water wasn't completely released and that Bastian's head could be acting like a cork keeping it in. So, I agreed to have her check and if that was the case she was going to release them the rest of the way. She did , and let me know I was about 6 cm. I was so relieved. All during Stella's birth the only thing I ever heard was "You're still a 1" So hearing I was over halfway dilated was very encouraging.

The pressure picked up really fast, so I asked to get back into the pool. Oh, sweet relief. I never envisioned wanting Cameron in the water with me, but I looked at him and said, "I need you in here." He changed into his  swim trunks and sat behind me rubbing my back, telling me "peace" (this is a hypnobabies technique) and embracing me. I think for most of the time I was leaning forward on the side of the pool. I started to feel pushy and kept it to myself for a few contractions to make sure. I was in disbelief that I could be so relaxed and so close to pushing. Wasn't I supposed to be screaming and begging for relief in transition? I started "Ahhhhing" with the waves. At some point I think I said out loud I was ready to push, although I'm sure they already knew that's what was happening.

I leaned back into Cameron. This is where things got hard for me. My bottom kept floating up making it hard for me to get a grip on bearing down. I kept feeling him make his way out and then go back in. I got discouraged by it and thought, "Okay, buddy how long are we going to do this for? I'm freaking exhausted!" I  remember feeling myself and trying to feel his head to get some sort of assurance that he was really down there and really coming out. He was :-)

Jessie was on one side of the pool holding my hand and Michelle (birth assistant) on the other reminding me of my strength, to keep my jaw loose, and reassuring me that I was doing it. I looked up and made eye contact with my chiropractor thinking to myself  "When did she get here?!" I have to stop and say something about these three women. I am of course balling my eyes out right now thinking of them. Becoming a mother is an indescribable experience. I never expected to embrace motherhood the way I have. They have each been so encouraging and inspiring to me on this journey, especially in the early days of being a first time mom.  Jessie referred me to Sarah for chiropractic care and La Leche League meetings which is where I met Michelle. Michelle showed me how to use my Moby Wrap after I expressed to her I couldn't figure out how to use the darn thing and I have always admired her and her beautiful smile. She just lights up any room she's in! I've always felt thankful for their kindness, patience and sisterhood-like commitment to women. La Leche League meetings were all I looked forward to for a long time so I could be surrounded by so many amazing, like-minded women. They introduced me to a great community. When I felt like an outcast for my parenting and lifestyle choices, these women helped me keep my chin up with their stories. They each do so much for our community professionally and by setting an example. Everyone has heroes....imagine having several of yours cheering you on at your birth. I felt like a...I don't know - queen, VIP, goddess? During birth? Yes.

I don't think I pushed for too long.  It certainly felt long. I remember cracking my neck (twice) and then opening my eyes, making eye contact again with *gasp* my chiropractor! I told her "I'm sorry but it felt good." I also joked about my huge behind. "You would think as huge as my butt is it wouldn't float up" We all laughed. Laughing felt good. I felt really discouraged at one point and told Bastian, "I just want to hold you." I asked if someone could go get my parents and Stella once his head came out. Once I got his head out I honestly just wanted someone to pull him out of me. I remember Cindi telling me I needed to push and I think I even said something like, "Can you just pull him out?" Everything is blurry here, but I remember hearing Stella coming down the hall and seeing a glimpse of my parents. They got me to come forward, telling me to push... I guess I pushed? because the next thing I know I hear, "Sabrina, grab your baby!"

I looked down in the water and there he was floating around. I grabbed him, pulled him to my chest and experienced pure joy. We did it.

I had to get out of the pool. The cord was super short so I was having trouble. They had me lay down on the floor and the placenta just slid right out. Jessie was supporting me from behind. They went ahead and let Cameron cut the cord since it was so short. They cleaned me up and got me into the bed. It was so blissful. I held him on my chest and worked on nursing right away. My dad mentioned afterward that it was very awe inspiring to see them all working together. In no time the room was cleaned up, Cindi checked Bastian out and Michelle helped me with nursing.

Cindi left to go check on the other mom, and the birth assistants finished everything up. They gave me a tour of the placenta. They did a placenta print. And...they made me a placenta smoothie, at my request. It's not as gross as it sounds! It wasn't gross at all actually.  They took a thumb size piece and blended it with a bunch of fruit and yogurt. It tasted just like a berry smoothie, no placenta taste at all. :-) They also took the rest of my placenta and encapsulated it for me, so I could take it as a pill. My first "meal" was a cup of the broth my mom and I made. I eventually had a full bowl of Kuey Teow (no idea if that is the correct spelling - Thai noodle soup) Much better than hospital food, and my mom made it perfect! I sat on frozen pads that were soaked in herbs and witch hazel. My recovery felt so fast. I felt amazing. We even went to Harborwalk for fireworks 3 days later! Besides that I just slept, ate, and nursed Bastian thanks to my amazing husband and family. They cooked and cleaned and entertained Stella. She is a fabulous big sister and loves him to pieces, her Batchy.

I am beyond blessed to have the support I had for his birth.  They will forever be like family. I don't know how I could ever fully express my gratitude for all of their work and dedication. Even my dad said, "I think planning this home birth is one of the best decisions you've ever made." Birth is beautiful miracle, and I'm so thankful I was able to do it safely at home with women who believe in birth and allowed me to experience it to the fullest.

PS....A slide show of pictures telling our birth story  by Nicole Jade Photography coming soon! They will do a much better job at sharing the experience than my rambling :-)

Tot School

My plan of attack for keeping Stella stimulated and occupied while I adjust to being a mommy of two is Tot School. We are planning on homeschooling, so I figured it couldn't hurt to get in a flexible routine now. I wanted an eclectic learning system centered around play. I also needed it to be affordable and adaptable. I came across the blog 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 while browsing home school blogs for pre-school ''curriculum" and after spending hours on her site ooohing and ahhing over all the fantastic ideas I decided Tot School was the perfect match for us.

Instead of me going into great detail I'll let Carisa do the talking. Here's her FAQ page and the answer to "What is  Tot School?" It's basically what many moms already do on a daily basis...playing, reading and introducing fun activities. I'm just choosing to have a little more structure, adding a little extra push on developing skills, and labeling it "school."

The idea I was most intrigued by are Tot Trays. In a nutshell, a set of plastic trays with specific "Montessori inspired" activities for each tray. They are stocked with new activities on a regular basis and set up with easy access for Stella. If you link over there are pictures of her set up. My explanation really does no justice.

This weekend, we took the family to Old Time Pottery in search of trays. I was trying to avoid ordering online. We scored the PERFECT sized trays for $1.50 each. I've been stocking up on craft supplies and activities....my whole life really, but more intently the past few weeks. Target dollar spot, dollar store, craft stores, etc. I recycle all kinds of things around the house that I'll be using.

I haven't gotten everything set up. It will definitely be a work in progress for a while, but here is some of our progress:.

The Picture That Inspired It All

When I conceived Stella I knew nothing about birth or motherhood besides horrific images of blood, screaming, emergencies, and women getting sliced open. I was curious and naturally minded in other aspects of life: buying organic, whole foods, yoga, natural household and hygiene products and sustainable living. Birth just grossed me out. I didn't want to deal with it, especially naturally. In my mind it was a curse and the worst thing a woman would experience. How did I go from that to my current state?

I was reading The Complete Organic Pregnancy and The Yummy Mummy Manifesto.  I usually become very intrigued and want to learn more when presented with an idea, fact, statistic or argument. Both of these books brought up natural birth. I decided to consider it. It made sense to at least consider it. I was reading everything I could online, but I was confused, overwhelmed, and alone. When the topic came up with friends or family, my decision was  often met with discouragement. I started to feel helpless.

I remembered this really cool gal. I remembered congratulating her on her daughter's arrival in front of her family's cafe. I remembered my jaw dropping  when she said she did it naturally and her responding with something like, "It's totally doable. Natural birth is something your body is designed to endure. You prepare your mind and body for it."

After feeling really discouraged, I knew I needed to seek help. Jessie is the first person I thought of . I had her on Myspace and looked her up. Her page had all kinds of interesting quotes about breastfeeding, vaccines, and birth. They made me think. I wanted to know more. Then, I looked at her photos. She had an album for her first daughter's birth, and looking at it changed me forever.

Isn't this stunning? All I could think was, "I want that. That is how it should be."
I was accustomed to births I saw on TLC and in movies. The woman is always stuck in a bed with all kinds of wires around her. The husband is able to be supportive, but not with his whole body!  The doctors and nurses are yelling, "PUSH!"  The baby is whisked away and manhandled by strangers. The moms rarely look as gorgeous as Jessie does here, thanks to the drugs. (Of least importance, but it is a perk!)

To describe in one word how this picture made me feel about birth: safe.  I still knew little at this point about the dangers and negative effects of induction, epidurals, and other interventions when not medically necessary. I didn't understand the battle families are up against when it comes to birthing naturally in a hospital. I did know in my mind and heart that what they experienced was safe, beautiful birth. I can't tell you how many times I went back and looked at it.

Isn't it crazy how one picture can change your world? One simple remark. It's fascinating how God uses little things to make big changes. I wanted to share this because I know there are a lot of women out there that are scared to feel good about choices they've made. I know I am. I am still working on my backbone. I worry about offending people. I know being open about my decisions leaves me open for attack. It's scary sometimes. I often feel so alone, like I'm the only person in the world questioning mainstream lifestyle and refusing to be forcefed BS from the media, government, and health professionals.

If you believe in something know why, be able to defend yourself gracefully, and rock it! I'm not saying we all need to blog about what's important to us or suggesting you become an obnoxious fool and shove your views on everyone. Be yourself, and you will inspire others. God will lead people to you, and you will know when to open your mouth or press the enter button. Many people will criticize or look down at you, but it's worth it. Even if you only help one person. It is so worth it.

This goes for any belief or cause, but I am of course speaking about birth. This isn't some crazy new parenting trend. Women need to take back birth. We need to take back nourishing our children with our well equipped bodies. We need to take back  the health of our families.  We need to help others stay informed. We need to stick together. We need to spread love. Humanity depends on it.

If you've read or heard my birth story, then you know I messaged Jessie and she ended up being my birth doula. She set me off in the right direction and I have learned so much from her.  She supported me even though I put myself in a hospital. She changed my mind about breastfeeding. She was honest and challenged me. I am forever thankful for this.

Anticipation

I am 38 weeks today! I can't believe it. I'm pretty comfortable and content. I have the typical end of pregnancy annoyances, but I'm still really enjoying this. As much as I want to see and meet him I'm not ready to share him with the rest of the world!  Besides the very dark, sad days I had in the beginning (and my ridiculously huge butt), I have nothing to complain about.

I don't know what the point of this post is, I keep writing and deleting paragraphs because my thoughts are all over the place. What do I really want to right about? There's always something bothering me and I don't want to always be writing about what bothers me.

"You're really going to do it at home?" "Why not just go to the hospital?"

I want to reply, "You are really going to the hospital?" . Instead I reply this way: "You know how uncomfortable the thought of giving birth at home makes you? Well, multiply that discomfort times 10 and that is how I feel about a low risk woman birthing in a hospital. It really worries me."  I try not to have the former "rude" mentality because I remember three years ago when home birth was an outrageous idea to me. I've been asking myself....how did I get here? When Cameron married me, he wasn't marrying a natural birth and back to basics enthusiast. I used to tell say things like this:

"If I ever have get pregnant it's going to be a scheduled cesarean and tummy tuck."
"If we have kids, I won't be able to clean up their puke, you'll have to do it."
"We're waiting at least 5-10 years to even think about kids. But we probably won't have any"
"Breastfeeding?! Weird! I wouldn't want a baby sucking on my boob!!!"
"Breastfeeding past infancy! There's something wrong with that mother."
"I hate kids."
"Newborns are ugly. They all look like aliens."
''If, if we ruin our lives by having kids, I demand a nanny."

There's more, but I'm already disgusted with my old self enough, so let's move on. Considering the previous statements, Cameron probably never thought his wife would say things like:

''I will have you deliver my baby on the side of the road before I go back to a hospital."
"I'm  going to breastfeed our kids and letting them self wean."
''We need to practice our Hypnobabies cues!" (self hypnosis, not the trance-like stuff you see on TV, it's essentially deep relaxation techniques)
''I can't decide what kind of cloth diaper I want!! Can I have one of each!?"
"We don't need to buy a crib."
"Are we going to circumcise our son? How do you feel about missing part of your penis without your consent?"
"I could stay awake all night just to watch her sleep."
"I'm going to blend thumb size parts of my placenta in a smoothie after the birth! You can't even taste it!"

Poor guy. I think he's happy though. And relieved. Actually, he told me after we had Stella that he was relieved. I don't think anyone expected me to transition to motherhood well. Or at all.
You see, I didn't set out to be "this type" of a person or mom. I'm my worst fear come true. I wear black leggings almost every day (sexy version of sweatpants, in my opinion.) I think of my child before myself most of the time! Weird! Seriously...it's really weird! I block the whole aisle with the race car shopping cart. For 6 months straight all of my shirts and bras smelled like breast milk. I feed my child with my breasts, in public. Anywhere. Anytime. I pick her nose, wipe her but, and clean up her vomit. I don't have a nanny and unless I have multiples in the future, probably never will. I spend 80 % of my free time educating myself on how to give my family the best and keep them as healthy as possible?!

Why am I saying all of this? Those are normal things that parents should do, right? Right. But Sabrina Hlavaty wasn't going to do those things, even if she was paid to! So why am I doing them? I don't know. I really don't. It's a miracle. It just started happening. Thanks to the example of other women who were taken captive by the miracle of motherhood, I was able to follow my instincts and do what makes sense for our family -which is usually not the norm or culturally accepted.

For once in my life I am confidently trusting God and getting things done. I'm so ready to do this all again. I am still really anxiety and fear free about my body giving birth the way it's supposed to. Seriously. Birth is a rite of passage. I can't wait to experience it to the fullest! Not strapped down by tubes, monitors and hospital protocol. Not surrounded by strangers. My dad's room, in my childhood home, will forever hold the memory of his first grandson being born. Every birth is one, but we will witness a miracle in the purest form and safest way possible for us.

Yes, I am really giving birth at home. I'm not a saint, just a woman, fully embracing the coolest gift God gave me....participating with Him and my life mate in giving life.

Learning Contentment

All I can think about is getting some land and becoming self-sufficient. I read blogs like New Life On A Homestead and Aspiring Homemaker and long for the ability to create my own homestead paradise with my family. I spend hours daydreaming about getting chickens, spending all day gardening "as if my life depended on it," planting a small orchard or berry patch, having a pantry full of homemade preserves......In fact, I waste so much time thinking about living a simpler life, that I rarely get around do learning/doing what I can with what I've got!

On top of a rough, non-fairytale beginning of a marriage and becoming a mother, I've been going through SO much spiritual and emotional growth the past few years. I can't keep up with anything. Ups and downs. Trying to figure out what God wants us to do. Becoming totally disconnected with every one and thing. Our modern lives are just too fast paced and too meaningless. (I've been reading Ecclesiacties.) Everything is taken for granted. It's insanely overwhelming when you are trying to get back to basics. Undoing however many years of bad habits and easy living is some hard work. Especially when that life keeps calling you back. Oh, and especially when you start trying to boss God around. That's one thing I'm good at.

I also have a nesting problem. Due to circumstances out of anyone's control, we're still waiting to move to our house (the one my dad bought across the street to rent to us.) We've basically been renting out half of my dad's house. Roomates? It's a great set up and I am very thankful for such a good relationship with my generous father, but it's not my nest. I can't decorate and paint and rearrange. I can't get cozy. My husband isn't the man of his house. The end of this phase is soon to come, I know, but that is where a lot of my constant daydreaming comes in. I've settled in here as much as I can. I'm ready for a permanant home.

Why was I blogging again? Oh, right. Contentment. I sit here getting upset because I found this amazing deal of a house with acreage, in a great location, & perfect for our dream lifestyle, but it'd be stupid to buy it. Even if we had the money for a down payment, I really believe it wouldn't work out. God is trying to teach me something with our current living situation and our future (hopefully) rental.  This house across the street (we call it 311)...it has the largest yard in the neighborhood. We can garden our little hearts out. If the Dervaes family can grow/raise almost all of food in their backyard AND sell the excess on their front porch, so can we. We can't have have chickens or goats, but we've got to start small anyway! They've been homesteading for 20 years!

Anyway, I just needed a place to set my head straight. I'm sure my family gets tired of me whining about chickens and self-sustainability.

Summer Seedlings

I carved out some time to sow herbs and summer vegetables! I didn't go crazy since I'm  the only person in the household who has any time to tend to the garden right now. I am sure in June when I'm 9 months pregnant, I will have little desire to anything outside! Here's what's growing:

I buy loads of cilantro, and since many recipes don't call for a whole bunch I end up throwing so much of it in the compost bin. The plant bolts and goes to seed really fast which changes the flavor, so I'm going to plant it every 2-3 weeks to keep a constant supply.

These are sugar babies. They are so easy to grow! Last year when I gave up on my garden, these still produced 3 melons with basically minimal water and attention. They are perfect for the Square Foot Garden because they are small and you can train them up a trellis.

One of my favorite memories is eating pickled okra that my Aunt Angie canned. I am going to plant 8 more plants so I can have her show me how! The only way I would eat it as a kid was pickled, but now I love it cooked any way, so I want to make sure we have plenty!

This is another herb I buy often and end up throwing out at least a 1/4 of the bunch. Happens with almost every herb I buy. Cilantro & Parsley are the only two I ever see for less than a dollar a bunch at the grocery store, so this will save SO MUCH MONEY! I'm waiting on the Italian Parsley to germinate. I might soak some seed overnight and then plant it to see if that helps speed things up - it's been over 2 weeks!

These are bush beans.  They grow in the form of a bush, so I don't have to worry about trellis. 

There is also a cucumber peeking in the bottom left of the picture. Only one plant germinated and that's fine for now, I'll plant more in July for the late summer garden.

.

I am most excited about these! They are jack-o-lantern  & pie making type! I only planted two because that will be plenty for our family. I am not going to trellis these, but just let them run over the side of the bed into the yard since we have plenty of space right now.

By the way, these last two pictures show a little soil block action. My soil mix is not ideal. I just used what I had on hand and they didn't stay into a "block" very well. The watermelon blocks completely fell apart which is why they are in little gelato cups. This summer I am going to work on buying the ingredients for the soil block recipe I have that people all over the web use with great success. Oh, and some trays. I am currently using the tops to storage tubs!

Stella and I are off to the garden to get these transplanted! The herbs are staying on the back deck for easy access. I don't plan on doing much more planting besides more okra and cilantro until July to get ready for the late season/fall garden. 

I'm also going to start a YouTube channel and do video updates on the garden inspired by the Donna's Square Foot Vegetable Garden videos I love so much. I've already taken the first one, I just hate uploading and editing pictures and videos on this computer! I'm so ready for an iMac. I'll update as soon as I get the video loaded!

Garden Update: The Sad Reality

I'm not going to bother with excuses. There's nothing growing, and that is that. Excluding the weeds, of course. Since taking these pictures I've cleaned all of them out and in the process we found a few surprises.

(I'm so bummed about it that I didn't bother trying to get any "good shots." I didn't even have the urge to try to salvage them by editing, so I apologize for the lackluster pictures.)
The first one I cleaned out.

Weeds everywhere!

I rooted this lemon grass( and stuck it in the existing sandy soil  last year. It instantly flourished and grew into a beautiful mess. Over the winter I thought it died, but it has already sprung back to life. It's hard to make it amidst all of the weeds, so in case you don't know what lemon grass looks like, it's the two tall clusters of leaves.

Here is a mint plant I bought from Lowe's last year. I planted it in the beds despite warnings of it taking over the whole garden. Once it started to spread, I transplanted it into this pot where it was neglected. I thought it died in the summer heat. It was completely shriveled up. The little gnome worked some magic and brought life back to it for me.

 

Here is kale I planted last fall for my Winter Garden that never happened. I planted kale, lettuce, tomatoes, and carrots late last summer and was planning on succession plantings  and starting other vegetables and herbs to get us through the winter, but my pregnancy nausea set it, and I didn't accomplish a darn thing! Somehow, this kale pushed through the winter without any tending to at all.

When I was digging up the bed that I planted the tomatoes and carrots in, I found these 4 beauties. I assumed the seedlings never made it (I wouldn't water for days) I wonder how they would have turned out with consistent waterning and fertilizing

Stella and I  planted a few herbs last week: basil, thai basil, cilantro, parsley, and a thai pepper plant. I'm contemplating doing pumpkins, watermelon and okra. I still have time to get them started. Come August I plan on will go all out. In Florida we are so blessed with a year round growing season. You just have to stay on top of planting at the right times. Late summer is like spring all over again for us and I am going to take full advantage of it. If I want to be a homesteader, I can't let a few silly mishaps  hinder my desire and passion to grow my family food. (120 strong seedlings that I started from seed were all ruined throughout February and March  by various circumstances if you missed my Facebook posts.)

I was amazed that despite months of neglect, nature still brought us a few treats in our garden. I'm constantly in awe of this beautiful system God designed. Gardening is full of miracles. It was just the inspiration I needed to start "gardening as if my life depended on it."

What's growing in your garden/patio?

I ate breakfast with my husband!

Kind of. He ate his at the table while I was in the kitchen rushing to get him snacks and a lunch. Back when I first started this little blog I had this goal to eat breakfast everyday as a family. It didn't happen. Just like the maternity pictures. I promise the Thai take out posts won't fade into oblivion.

Back to eating breakfast. I've been learning so much lately. More about food and health. I had noticed that a lot of people in the "natural" community were gluten or grain free (or at least limiting grains) and not just forced into it because of allergies, but by choice. I thought it was insane. Of course, I asked why and started searching. Wasn't bread a staple since Biblical times...Jesus ate bread!? I already knew the modern white, refined flours, sugars, etc weren't good food choices. I hated wheat bread as a kid. Even the stuff that isn't really true multi-grain bread. I thought that by baking my own bread I was doing better, using half all purpose white flour and half wheat. Nope. I don't want to get into it here too much. There are plenty of sources for educating yourselves about it.

So, our next baby step was to continue reducing refined foods, this time focusing on narrowing it down more and more. I had done things like replaced our pasta with whole wheat kind thinking you know, that was a good move. Maybe it was for the time being, but it is also currently out and not on the approved grocery list. Stella and I still eat jasmine rice almost daily at breakfast, and I don't know when or if that will change. I hate brown rice. I just don't enjoy it. I would rather not eat rice. Baby steps.

What do we eat? First of all every day is different and not perfect. During this change there have still been the last minute runs up to a fast food joint. We live right in town and it is so easy to let the day slip away and realize at 7:45 that I am hungry and exhausted (what a way to refuel and nourish ourselves, huh?!) I also made spaghetti with meat sauce the other night. I used regular pasta that I had left in the pantry. Better than Wendy's!

We eat eggs for breakfast. Jasmine rice. Chicken. Beef. Fish Vegetable Stir fry. Fruit. Peanut butter. Ezekial bread. (info here)We still use flour tortillas. They are just so convienent. It doesn't sound very fun. Most days it isn't. I've been searcing all of my cookbooks and food magazines for meals that are grain free or that I can make grain free. Then of course there is the ever-inspiring blogland. Nourished Kitchen and Elana's Pantry are two of my favorites right now. Thai cooking, THANK GOD, involves mostly meat and vegetables. The rice is always optional.

I feel one of my main responsibilities as a wife and mother right now is to provide wholesome meals for my family. There is an extreme amount of guilt I let myself feel when it doesn't happen and I've let it slow me down for to long. This morning I woke up at 4:45 AM after falling asleep praying for guidance on practical ways I can be a better wife. Cameron rarely eats breakfast and will often skip lunch.  He works at least 45-60 hours a week and never expects me to make meals for him. He rarely stops to get something at a restuarant or drive thru the days he misses lunch (which is a usually a result of one of us forgetting to pack left overs)  This makes me feel like such a failure. He had to leave by 5:30, so I whipped up a quick breakfast.

Our breakfast this morning was:
1 pastured egg cooked in coconut oil
1 slice of cinnamon raisin Ezekial Bread with butter
1 small glass of raw milk
1 teaspoon of cod liver oil (Omega-3's)

It was a small success that I'm feeling really good about. I wish you could have seen the exchange of looks when I put the teaspoon of cod liver oil in his face. "What's that?" "Cod liver oil" Blank stare. "It's not as bad as think it will be." Gulp! Another blank stare. :-)

The problem is....I really enjoy baking. I mean, my life dream is to own a bakery/boutique. So this just sucks. I am not very happy about it, but I try to focus on all of the deliscious foods that are still good for my body. Butter, coconut oil (I'm obsessed with this stuff) meat, seafood, fruit, vegetables.

I also plan on venturing into traditional bread making (using sprouted flour), fermenting foods, and learning to make indulgent desserts with better ingredients. I know it will be challenging and fun in it's own way, but have I mentioned how old it gets having to fight to eat right???? When everything you thought was okay is not okay. I know it's silly to whine and cry over not being able to make pasta the way my grandparents (dad's side) showed me. I have the chance to change my family's health. If I'm going to live long, I want to live.

 My body is a gift from God, a temple, a vessel to lead others to love. I am my husband's helper. My daughter and son are also gifts given to me to nourish and grow, so they can do the same. And I will take good care of us.

Sunset in paradise.

Stella's Birth Story or Why We're Choosing Homebirth

In preparation for my birth experience with our second child I want to come to terms with Stella's birth, so I am writing our full story - conception to birth. I am doing this for me and for the thousands of woman are denied their right to safely bring their children into the world with their own strength. This will be long!

I was twenty, a mere ten months into our marriage, and living in a brand new city with no family or friends around. We had decided a couple months prior that we would leave the conception of our children up to God and stopped preventing pregnancy the night before I moved to Charlotte, NC.

I took this in Charlotte at Pottery Barn Kids a couple weeks before I conceived her. I've known since I was sixteen I would have a first born  girl named Stella. When I saw this I had chills over my body so I took a picture on my phone to show her when she's grown how I got a little sign that she was coming. I hope to buy her a vanity like this one day.

It was not ideal at all. I was working almost full time as a shipment leader (fast paced, lifting, pulling, pushing) with shifts at 4:30 AM. Cameron was frantically searching for a job to hold him over until his job offer that "secured" our move went through a few months later. It was really hard to get an appointment up there. No one was calling me back for days, and when they did I was told "We will call you back in a week to schedule an appointment." I was scared, hormonal, and lonely. Our marriage was going through a huge test with  me being the Pregnant Breadwinner. I had an anxiety attack one morning after dealing with stress at work. We decided to move back to Florida when our lease was up. I called White Wilson to make an appointment (it took about 30 seconds) and a few days later we were on our way down to Florida for a visit!

A deer tried to tackle my sweet, yellow Beetle in Luverne, AL on our way down. Cameron was driving, thank God, and we were okay, but the car was not. Our insurance company had mistakenly switched us over to liability from full coverage when we moved, so the damage wasn't covered . We decided to grab our stuff from Charlotte, and move in with my dad. This is how we ended up back in Florida.

Before all of that, I had been reading up on my choices in birth. I knew nothing. I had just heard the typical over-dramatized horror stories. After reading The Yummy Mummy Manifesto, I decided I wanted to try to have a natural birth. It didn't make sense to me that I wouldn't get drunk or snort a line, but would willingly accept a drug into my body during labor that inhibited my ability to birth AND crossed the placenta. (My only reasoning at the time) We were also already in the process of switching to an organic diet, changing our personal hygiene and household cleaning products. Of course, when asked questions about my pregnancy and birth, people would respond to my answers with shock and dismay. I was getting discouraged about my decision.

I knew a girl that told me she had her daughter naturally. We had hung out once when in high school and crossed each others paths a few times because of our jobs.. I remember when she told me, my jaw dropped and I exclaimed, "Really! Did it hurt?!" She informed me that you prepare yourself for birth, and that our bodies are made to do it. This little seed stayed with me for two years and was slowly beginning to germinate. This was before Facebook was all the rage, so I had her as a friend on Myspace. I thought of her when I started getting doubts and went on her page. She had several quotes, links, and books listed about natural birth, breastfeeding, and vaccination. I ate them all up and wanted to learn more. I got over being shy and decided to message her. I told her my situation and she offered moral support, pointed me in the right direction and....to be my doula!



 Despite her efforts and my research, I still chose a hospital birth. I chose Sacred Heart out in Miramar which, I'll say is much more mother & baby-friendly compared to my other option, but it's not about hospitals being evil/good. They are for the medically needy. I was not ill. I did not have any complications. There was nothing safer about a hospital birth for me - a low-risk, healthy individual. I didn't listen. Honestly, here's the real reason why. We were in a bad financial struggle at the time. Medicaid completely covered a hospital birth. While prenatal care and home birth with no coverage is only $4,000-6,000 (a lot less compared to a regular, vaginal hospital birth with no coverage) it was still a few thousand dollars we didn't want to have hanging over our heads. Yeah, we could get on a flexible payment plan, but it was still money I would not have to worry about thanks to Medicaid if I could pull this gig off in a hospital. I was going to fight the system, birth my baby naturally in the hospital, save the money, and all would be well.

Until I was induced. I knew about induction. In fact, I remember posting this chart on Facebook that explains a lot if you don't already know some of the reasons why a mom would not want to be induced unless absolutely medically necessary.

I no longer have the link for this chart and am having trouble finding it. If you have it please pass it along so I can give credit!

Here's what I experienced. I was lucky, though, and avoided a cesarean and was hell-bent on breastfeeding;

I was "4 days late.'' Technically, I was right on my original due date, the 27th. They had changed it after an ultrasound to the 23rd. Ultrasounds are not 100 percent accurate. A due date is an ESTIMATED DUE DATE. Full term is anywhere from 37-42 weeks. I had an appointment the day I was 4 days late, and we were to check on the baby and discuss induction dates. My mother-in-law was with  me, thankfully, and I planned on pushing the date as far as possible. After an ultrasound, my OB discovered that the fluid was low. I had just woken up an hour before the appointment, had no water all night, and was still working on hydrating myself. Instead of giving me a chance to replenish my fluid, she declared, "This baby is coming today.'' I was pushed in a wheelchair to the Family Birth Place, a pretty way of saying "Labor & Delivery"

I called Cameron to tell him to head out and then my doula, Jessie, in tears. My mom and step-mom started to make their way out as well. It was around 8 AM. Thankfully they didn't start the procedure right away and every minute was a minute closer to the possibility of Stella choosing to come on her own. At around noon they gave me Cervidil to ripen my cervix. After a couple hours I felt what I thought were just cramps. I can't remember all the times but a few hours later around 6 PM they started the pitocin. The contractions started to bother me. I was allowed to move around but had to keep the annoying fetal monitor on. I sat on the birthing ball and on the toilet, but my favorite place was in the tub with the whirlpool jets massaging my feet and lower back. Stella's heart rate was dropping and/or irregular (can't remember all of the details) and the fetal monitor kept slipping off. It's common for the heart rate to drop during contractions. A side effect of pitocin for the fetus is slow or irregular heartbeat.

I had an awesome naturally minded nurse who was really supportive of my birth choices. I found out later she actually got yelled at for letting me get back in the tub at one point. I was forced to get back in the bed. I was pissed. I had my Hypnobabies CD going and it was helping, but I could not deal with my pain laying in that damn bed. Hours went by. Everyone took turns massaging me. 

Then things took a turn for the worse. I wasn't allowed to get up to go to the bathroom. I kept having urges to  pee. It made it even harder to deal with the contractions (which were already abnormally hard because of the pitocin). They made me pee in a bed pan. It only happened because I finally had to go so bad that it just came out. Can you imagine peeing on demand in front of your friend, husband, mother-in-law, mother, step mother, and nurses? Yeah. Oh and the oxygen! I had to keep this oxygen tube in my nose and it was horrid. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was losing control and  I felt my determination slipping. I kept getting more and more pissed and deep down I wanted everyone out and to let me focus, but I was scared and trying to make everyone happy. I hid any indication of wanting to be alone with Cameron. I vomited all over my mother-in-law's feet. She was to my left and when I had the urge I just turned that way and let it out. Thankfully, she had a change of shoes.

Stuck in the bed. 

I personally believe I was in transition, the most difficult and intense phase of labor. Mostly because I remember yelling "I can't f***ing do this!!" several times. Women often get nauseous, shaky/chills or vomit during transition. Right after I threw up, my OB came in and said, "We have to talk about your options. She explained that if things didn't progress I would end up with an emergency cesarean. She recommended an epidural to help me relax and see if that progressed things. She said it worked for her. I wanted to scream in her face, "Why don't you let me out of this damn bed to relax and let's see if it progresses!?!" But I was done fighting. I caved. I had to accept defeat in front of a room full of people who just didn't really understand (excluding Jessie). I exclaimed that I was a failure, and the response was "All that matters is that you end up with a healthy baby." Exactly.  I could have done that on my own instead of us being pushed around AND endangered with all of their unnecessary, risky interventions.

I took the epidural. I made sure to show absolute disgust to my anesthesiologist. My body became numb and I lost complete touch with my birth until I felt the urge to push. That was my "light at the end of the tunnel" moment. I now had some hope that I could get out of this mess without being cut! She let me go for a little longer while they got everything prepped. I pushed very slow and steady for about 40 minutes, again with an audience I wouldn't let down, and had to dig really deep to shut them out and find my "happy place" to focus on my task. She arrived at almost 6 AM the next morning without any tearing or hemorrhaging. She was placed right on my chest and time stopped. They were right to an extent, she was all that mattered.

She was all that mattered. I was able to try to nurse her right away. I don't know for a fact that she would have latched instantly without any problems if she hadn't been exposed to the epidural. I will never know, but I do believe it. There are woman who birth naturally at home that still have breastfeeding struggles, but that doesn't mean epidurals don't get in the way of establishing a breastfeeding relationship. Not to mention all the risks that come with getting them. 

Instead, we ended up struggling, and I came so close to giving up on nursing her several times. I am thankful I didn't end up under the knife and I know I am extremely blessed that I was encouraged and supported in my breastfeeding efforts (but I did prepare for that in advance and made sure to have contacts - a doula, an Lactation Consultant, and a chiropractor who was also a La Leche League Leader - to help me with obstacles.) The point is, we have a choice. My choices put me at a higher risk for all kinds of unnecessary interventions that can and do have lasting effects.

My story has a pretty nice ending compared to many women. Many are robbed of a vaginal birth. Many are robbed of feeding their own child. Many are left with a feeling of failure and extreme guilt. Some even lose their life or lose their child or both. Many have to deal with complications afterwards that make recovery and enjoying their new blessing extremely difficult. I can't imagine it, the guilt of the induction and epidural were hard enough. I think most woman know deep down when their birth interventions weren't necessary, and most can't find the words to talk about it, so we block it out. They're "just moms" not the medical professional. I can say that I have had and still have to deal with extreme bitterness towards the whole ordeal. I couldn't think about my birth without cringing in disgust. This is the first time I've thought about the whole experience, every detail. Usually I block parts of it out. I've come to terms with it for the most part, and am happy I can share my store with other women who experienced the same and maybe prevent more women from ever experiencing it.

This time, I am determined to stand up for my rights. I will protect myself and my child. I am not sick. I have this amazing system of a body. God designed it perfectly and it knows exactly what to do. I am going to birth this child with my own strength, on our own time.(If I remain low-risk, of course. I am also thankful for hospitals, OB's, and interventions when they are needed.) I will do everything I can to breastfeed this baby. I will sleep with him by my side, in my bed. I won't have to worry about being bombarded with questions about vaccination and circumcision and a nurse telling me I can't sleep with my baby.

I am not birthing at home because I'm Wonder Woman. I am not stronger than you. I am not trying to be a martyr. After much prayer and research I have come to this conclusion: 

I am simply giving birth where I believe is safest for my unborn child and most supportive of my lifestyle choices.

Thank you, Stella, for inspiring me to be the best momma I can be.

PS I haven't taken ANY belly pictures since week 17. It just didn't happen. I'll try to take a couple more along the way, but it definitely won't be a weekly event. Also, I'm making the papaya salad tomorrow and will form a recipe and take pictures while I do it -I've never measured anything while making it! I am hoping to have it up before I go on vacation Friday!

Let the good times roll

In seven days my little family will be taking a mini-vacation. SEVEN days. I better make it.

This will be our first out of town, road trip experience as on our own, and I started planning it out of blue one day. I had this desperate desire for a break. We all just need to get our of this house that isn't our settled nest and have some fun together, so we're going to New Orleans. I haven't been in years (the year before Katrina was my last visit) so it's going to be like reuniting with a long lost love!

I've spent the past couple of months trying to dig myself out of this pit I got us in, yet again. Dreading being in the kitchen, eating out way too much, letting the laundry pile up for days, arguing, yelling, laying around all day doing absolutely nothing, and just not functioning well as a family.

I overwhelmed myself reading up on lifestyle choices and trying to take ours 'to the next level.' We've spent the last four years informing ourselves and slowly changing things in our diet and lifestyle. I felt like we kept reverting back to certain things and wanted to step up our game after enduring another rough spell of eating out and inactivity. I've done it before, and I did it again....I nearly sent myself into  because of grains. Grains? I know. In 4.5 years I can cut out alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, soda, candy, junk food, fast food, most refined foods, buy organic produce and dairy (excluding our slip ups of course) and it's not enough. When I learn about something new I have this "all or nothing" attitude. It completely sabotages our efforts and we end up having to start all over. (BTW, the grain issue is extremely important and for some people their health depends on immediate action, but we're not in that situation and I was being way too hard on myself instead of taking day by day baby steps

Twenty plus years of a Standard American Diet (topped off with addiction recovery) does not take a few weeks to undo. In the beginning I thought that's all it would take. Two moves, almost two babies, and plenty of other various high stress situations later.....I realize a few years is just the beginning.

I have to constantly remind myself: I'm a 22 year old wife and mother, simultaneously feeding and growing two little humans with my own body! My husband has his joy and zeal completely wiped out of him everyday and still manages to come home with some sort of smirk or kind gesture. Our daughter is healthy, happy and learning. We're doing alright. We're doing alright.


I just wanted to share this because sometimes  it might seem like I have it all together. I talk about breastfeeding, avoiding GMO's, growing my own food, buying organic produce, and cooking meals at home. I'm sure can be intimidating and I do my best to humbly inspire. I just don't want to leave anyone feeling like crap about themselves, and thinking I'm some sort of Domestic Goddess. Blogs and Facebook are great tools for connecting and sharing, but we usually share the positive things about ourselves. I think it's really easy to start idolizing or become envious of someone based off of just little snippets of their lives. I go back and forth all the time on whether or not to keep this little weblog going because of that. For now it stays. There really isn't a more efficient way to keep far away friends and family updated.

We're works in progress. I know, it gets old hearing that, but it's the simple truth.

So whatever transformational journey you're on - remember to stop in New Orleans, grab a muffaletta (if you're not pregnant oysters on the half shell and a bloody mary! *sigh* maybe next time) and laissez les bons temps rouler!!!

Thai Take Out at Home: Staples and Tools

Sorry for the absence! Hopefully it won't take me a month to get the next post ready. Let's get started!

Most of the recipes I'll be sharing can be made with food items from your typical grocery store and you should also already have all the basic tools needed. There are just a few things that will make the dishes authentic and easier to make.

The first and in my opinion, the most important, thing I'm going to address today is nam pla, or fish sauce. Go ahead and cringe in disgust. Wikipedia defines it as "a condiment that is derived from fish that have been allowed to ferment." There's really no appealing way to put it. If you have an aversion to seafood, but enjoy Thai food, you're going to have to accept that you enjoy fish sauce. I can assure you that the Thai cooks use it at your favorite restaurants. We put it in almost every dish: papaya salad, beef salad, curries, larb/lopp, pad thai, kuey tweal (Thai noodle soup), basil, etc. I don't recommend substituting with soy sauce or salt. You will find that your dish is missing something or in some cases completely ruined. In fact 90% of the time when we taste something to make sure it's ready to serve, it almost always needs more fish sauce (we add a few squirts at a time because it's very intense) If you add one thing to your pantry for Thai cooking, it would suggest you get nam pla.  Oh, and it's very high in sodium, so use sparingly or get a low sodium version.

The bottle in the middle is dark or black soy sauce. It is sweet and thick in comparison to the regular soy  sauce. I use it mostly for stir fry. It's not neccessary, but I'm sure down the road a recipe will call for it, so I wanted to share. The Kikkoman, I rarely use for Thai cooking, but it doesn't hurt to have this on hand for Asian inspired dishes. All should be available at your local Asian market (most grocery stores also have them but they are much more expensive!!) I'm pretty sure they are all offered in low sodium versions. I need to start buying those....I just looked at the sodium content for the first time in my life. Yikes!

I try to always have lemon, lime, garlic, onion, lemon grass, and tomatoes on hand. We go through tomatoes regulary. The lemon, lime, garlic & onion keep really well and we use them in almost all of our cooking. The lemon grass comes in a stalk. It's in a vase because I'm rooting it so that I can stick it in dirt and let it grow all summer - then I'll have endless lemon grass. If you have a black thumb you should still be able to grow lemon grass. I barely paid attention to mine last year, put it in poor sandy soil, and it still grew like crazy!

Here's another one that's not necessary, but if you want to go all out - go ahead. You want a balance of sour, sweet, and spicy, and palm sugar achieves the 'sweet' I wish I had these because ours is a big block of it that's not easy to handle or store. You can sub brown sugar or just leave it out like my mom. I've noticed that many of the restaurants around here are adding more and more sugar to their dishes. It depends on the cook and restaurant but....sugar sells. Thanks, America.

The last and most exciting element - heat! The best thing to do is grow your own or buy a bag like the one pictured (again, Asian market) and stick it in the freezer so they last longer. If you are catering to different sensitivity levels, you don't have to completely omit the pepper. We usually split everything into two batches - one hot, one mild when we have company or family member who doesn't prefer so much spice. You can also substitute other peppers if you'd like.

I use this as a topping, additional heat or to make a dipping sauce. I eat it on my egg and rice in the morning, pasta dishes,soups - everything. Use whatever kind you like. This container is $3 and lasts forever. Even with daily use!

I got tired of editing and this was a sorry picture to begin with, but just to show you...We go through more rice than most, so we buy these huge bags of jasmine and sticky rice. It saves a LOT of money and they last us about 6 months. Right now they are about $25

Here are our rice cookers. The steam basket on the left is for sticky rice. I'm not sure if you can make it in a normal pot or rice cooker. I know you can make jasmine rice on the stove top in a regular pot.

On the left is a mortar and pestle, or as my grandmother calls it, 'cloke.' You can make papaya salad without this, but it is soooo much better if you have one of these. The flavors are more cohesive with this method. This large one is $15 at the Thai Market on Racetrack. I haven't seen large ones anywhere else. I've only ever used it for making papaya salad, but I'm sure my grandmother used hers for curry pastes and other sauces. 

I use a food processor right for mincing meat of for basil and larb. I cut the meat into cubes and let the machine do the rest. If you don't have one all you need is a great knife and some built up anger to get rid of. 

She wanted to take home one of everything!

I don't have a picture but cilantro and Thai basil (not sweet! save that for Italian cooking) are also really important. To save money I grow mine. You can grow it year round (bring it indoors during the winter). If you don't want to mess with seeds, I've seen transplants for thai basil at both at Lowe's Home Depot. Cilantro is available everywhere but the Thai basil you will only find at an Asian market. Oh! I almost forgot! Dry roasted, unsalted peanuts and cashews are handy and yummy snacks. We never have them on hand because we usually snack too much.

When you go to the market, if you have any trouble finding what you need, just ask for help! There are other ingredients, but I'll address those when the dish comes up. You don't want to overwhelm your budget and pantry.

If you are local, I recommend the Thai Market on Racetrack Rd. It's across the street from the complex with Calvary Emerald Coast and Network Video.

Thai Take Out at Home

I'm introducing another "series" here on my little piece of Blogland. I'm asked all the time if I can teach someone how to make Thai food or pass on the recipe, so I'm going to compile what I've learned from my grandmother and parents here to share with you!

I've been very blessed to grow up learning how to cook Thai food. My mother, Praphaphorn (we call her Phyllis) was born in Bangkok to my grandmother, Ratana.  They moved here when my mother was very young (I believe just a few months old). There is a rather abundant Thai (asian in general) community in this area. I'm assuming thanks to the large military community.  I've been frequenting places like Thai Saree, The Bangkok House, and the Thai Market most of my life. I remember sitting in my grandmother's salon munching on imported goods, the most memorable dry shredded squid and her showing me how to roll up balls of sticky rice. I also remember hating bamboo shoots, but stealing sips of the broth from my moms red curry. My brother and I have always had some sort of spice in our food - since the womb. For me it's not luxurious or exotic, it's normal. Don't take this wrong. I've had my fair share of meat and potatoes. My dad's parents are a whole different culinary heritage, primarily Italian-American from my grandmother Rose, but that's another story for another time.

When Cameron and I were first married I quickly realized that the only healthy and affordable dishes I  felt confident making were curry, papaya salad, beef salad, and several variations of stir fry. I could follow any recipe but when it came to throwing dinner together in a pinch on a budget these were my defaults. I've come a long way over three years, but I still find this to be true. Tonight for example, what did I do with the steak I needed to cook? Minced it, stir fried it with some basil, garlic & peppers, and threw some jasmine rice in the cooker.

I'm no culinary genius, but most Thai dishes revolve around a few basic ingredients. I'm sure you're familiar with the flavors -  lemon, lime, thai basil, cilantro, garlic, fish sauce, etc. Once you stock your pantry with the key items, you'll be set. My first "tutorial" post will be focused on this.

Here's a little forewarning. As with every culture, there are as many variations of a dish as there are families in that country. Thai people are very frugal and use the most of every resource. So, after you read or try a recipe, before you write it off as unauthentic please consider that I'm working with how my grandmother passed down her "recipes." She doesn't use recipes and measurements and every time she makes a dish it turns out different. If we have flank steak we use flank steak for beef salad. Sometimes it's a london broil. I prefer a few crushed dried shrimp and peanuts in my papaya salad. My mother can't stand it that way. I'm going to try to focus on keeping the recipes basic and simple and give tips to modify them to your tastes.

I'm so excited and can't wait to share these with you! At the end of the week look forward to locating and navigating a store of imported Asian goods!