Getting Dirty

We cleared out our raised beds and prepped them for fall yesterday. The little canaray was QUITE the helper. She also enjoyed treating herself to a mud spa treatment and soil tasting. Unfortunately, I didn't take the camera over to the garden, but you can still enjoy the aftermath :-)

A Hitler-esque mustache on a blonde hair blue eyed babe and that pose! Oh, dear.

This Is Where the Healing Begins

"So you thought you had to keep this up. All the work that you do so we think that you're good. And you can't believe it's not enough. All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside. So let 'em fall down.There's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground. We're here now" -Tenth Avenue North


Most people don't know that Stella wasn't my first pregnancy. That is the way I wanted it. The coping mechanism I most often use for any suffering in my life is to forget. It seems so much easier to pretend that a negative experience didn't happen, but in the long run it is devastating to one's spirit.


Three months into our engagement, Cameron and I found out we were pregnant. In fact, the same night I sat my father down and told him I wanted to postpone our wedding - I was eighteen , six months fresh out of rehab, and just graduated high school - was the night I found out. I know, what a great day. A lot of people tried to help me look on the bright side, "Hey, at least you're getting married! At least you're not in high school!" I was more concerned with the fact that children are brats, we had to cancel our honeymoon to Disney, my beautiful dress that my dad had already paid for wasn't going to fit in three more months, and the last thing I wanted to be was a pregnant bride. (Me, me, me, me!) Other negative realities were I had a 2 pack a day habit, was planning a wedding while working full time as a manager of a small gelatiere/cafe, and did I mention I wasn't very fond of children?


At about 9 1/2 weeks I started to spot. Everyone told me that it was normal. For more days went by and I was very heavy. Finally on a Sunday I trusted my gut and told Cameron we needed to go to the emergency room. It was such a surreal experience. The nurses and doctors didn't communicate very well with us.The whole time I had no idea what was going on until finally, when I was being discharged we asked, "So what's going on?" The nurse getting me ready to go said in a pleasant and cheerful voice, "Oh, you are in the process of having a miscarriage." And showed us the way out.


A few days before I started bleeding I had finally become content and thankful for the blessing of having a child, so although a miscarriage ended up being a huge relief to the selfish part of me, Cameron and I  were devastated. "It just happens a lot" and "At least you were only two months along" did't make it any better. My puppy was missing when we got home from my D & C (she was found.) I thought God was punishing me and told Cameron he was next that was being taken. I recovered and forgot with pain medication, 2 packs a day, long work shifts, and busy wedding plans. I told myself all that it was only a little blob of cells. My wedding dress fit perfectly and we moved on. 


I never thought about the anniversary of the baby's passing much. I couldn't even remember it and had to dig for the date, honestly. Growing, birthing, and nourishing Stella from my body has changed that. This late summer heat has been killing me emotionally. To understand that it wasn't just a blob of cells, but in fact was a baby with a heartbeat and fingers, brought all of the pain back. I realized to simply forget about this tragedy was to deny that there is a little angel baby waiting to meet us in Heaven.


We all bear so much burden whether it's something from our own hand, a natural disaster, or outside attack. We can't make it on our own. It's much more painful to reject God's comfort, healing and joy and keep all the pain tucked away inside of us than to ask for help or confess something. I'm not suggesting everyone tell the whole internet their deepest secrets. Most times it's just admitting things to God between the two of you. Plenty of people are hurting in the same places you are. They're probably the one's you are jealous of or intimated by (I'm speaking from experience) So, this is me letting my walls down, in hopes of healing from the hurt of losing a baby (along with many other hurts) and inspiring you to do so as well.


"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Mopping Solutions

There was a time when I didn't mind and actually almost enjoyed mopping. That was before we moved into my dad's house. It's completely tiled save three of the bedrooms. The best part? This vastly tiled casa is home to a cat, a dog, and a Stella. It gets overwhelming, trying to find a mopping routine while juggling three to four  part-time shifts at Old Navy, playing with and nursing Stella all day, making meals, social interaction with adult humans, running errands, checking Facebook, and the countless other important things I do throughout the week. I CAN remember the last time I mopped the living room and I won't tell you. We have another toddler coming over tomorrow and I didn't want to offend her mother so I decided to mop the living room today!

We made the switch from conventional cleaning products to "eco-friendly" alternatives a couple years ago. Now we are making the switch, inspired by No Impact Man, to natural, homemade cleaners made from inexpensive ingredients we can by in bulk. In addition to saving money and respecting our earth, a huge perk is being able to personalize the solutions to our tastes and preferences. I'm going to share the solutions I find or come up with and let you know if it's working for us or if our home starts smelling like a dirty hippie commune. I would also love for you to share your concoctions and success  (or failure) stories with me!

Mopping Solution
A bucket of water (1 gallon size)
A squirt of Dr. Bronner's (Trust me a tiny squirt is all!)
A few splashes of vinegar (about 1/4 cup)

There are several recipes out there. I decided to start simple. Be sure to use warm or hot water and do not mix straight Dr. B's and straight vinegar together because it will create an oily clumpy mess. So start with the vinegar, then the hot water, and finally the castile soap!I bought my Dr. B's at Target in the beauty department by Burt's Bees. I'm not sure if it's available everywhere. I'm in love with it! Now I just need a decent mop head The floors look great and the house smells like peppermint! It smells cleaner than clean. If you don't dig peppermint, there are several other scents, including eucalyptus or opt for no fragrance. You can use this product for EVERYTHING.

Now for the solution to my lack of a mopping routine.....a maid!! Or speed!!
I can't afford either, so I'll just have to get off my lazy bum.

Ravioli and Tradition

Every year on Thanksgiving I remember making fresh pasta with my grandparents. My grandmother would spend all day tending to the sauce and my grandpa was in charge of the pasta. The most fun was catching the strands of dough which was usually where my "help" came into play. I've always daydreamed about making pasta with my own family and that day is finally here! We made ricotta filled ravioli today. Stella isn't quite ready for dough catching, but here she is turning the crank. She'll be a pasta making pro in no time!

Visitors in the Garden

Good and bad. The bad are stink bugs ruining my tomatoes. Among others....leafhoppers, aphids, and cabbage worms. The damage isn't extensive, but I'm trying my hardest to not spray anything.

On the other hand,this morning I saw 4 wasps eating a bad bug breakfast :-) A few days ago I saw a lacewing, but I accidentally sprayed him with my homemade insecticidal soap. I'm not sure whether or not he survived. I'm just happy that I"m attracting beneficials.

Other helpful visitors include my brother and momma.This was two weeks ago, so the plants are 3 times bigger than this!  I'll have a better update hopefully tomorrow.

Restoration

Mother's Day has always been uncomfortable for me. I've never been able to relate to the cliché imagery the holiday is marketed with. I'm not a warm fuzzy kind of gal. I anticipated that my heart would soften this year with the arrival of my daughter. I've been a teary-eyed emotional wreck all week thinking about how blessed I am being a mom. My Canary makes every day seem like Mother's Day, Christmas, and my birthday all wrapped up into one
. 
My heart did soften, but not just because of Stella.Things haven't always been picture perfect for my mom and I. Actually, sometimes, they've been extremely rough. Sometimes it seemed like our relationship would always be a challenge, but lately it's been amazing. I can't really explain how it evolved. 


Here's a secret, I've known for years that my firstborn daughter, Stella, would be what sparked the complete restoration of mine and my mom's bond.  I didn't know when or how it would happen, I just knew it would. It was a glimmer of hope God gave me in my adolescence. Call me crazy, it's okay. It has taken this experience for me to realize how great my mom's love is for me and despite her weaknesses (cause, ya know, she's a human too!) she is the perfect mom for me. God knew what he was doing! 
I'm telling you all this because sometimes things seem so hopeless. It seems like no one cares or understands. It's hard to accept that things happen the way they do and to find peace in the truth that all things work together for good. BUT, God cares, understands and thankfully redeems our broken hearts and relationships and I want you to have hope, too.


Finally, on Mother's Day, I can say with a bright smile and pride that I honor and love my mother. I am overflowing with praise and thanks for my beautiful daughter, God's vessel for bringing us closer together.

A First Glance Review of "Four Season Harvest"

I really wanted to wait until I was done reading this book cover to cover to share a review, but I've finished the first two chapters and I can't wait any longer to tell you about this great book by Eliot Coleman! 

Did you know that most of the US has more winter sunshine than southern France where it's a traditional and common to have a winter garden? I didn't! Here in Florida we're very blessed and it's much easier to have a year round harvest, so I know it may seem pretty pointless that I ordered this book, but I'm a book junkie and I figured there might be really great information and ideas. I was right!

 Eliot and his wife live in Maine and enjoy fresh, organic vegetables year round. They don't use any fancy, expensive heating systems, but rather, the core of their winter gardening technique is utilizing sunlight and protecting plants from wind. a few of their practices include using cold frames (raised beds with glass lids), succession planting (planting crops multiple times), planting seasonally-hardy vegetables, and hoop houses. There are many informational diagrams, tables, and illustrations. Every page has so much to take in! I'll share more as I continue to read. Here are two great quotes.

"The best short statement to describe our approach to the four-season garden is a quote from Buckminster Fuller in his book Shelter (1932): 'Don't fight forces; use them.' "

"In our grandfathers' day, people celebrated the seasonality and variety of the home garden. They knew that one cabbage tasted best fresh in June and that another made the best sauerkraut. This was the pea for eating fresh and that the one for drying. They were familiar with fifty different apples and twenty kinds of pears. They knew when these were ripe and which blended best for cider or complemented the flavor of this or that cheese. We can recover such civilized living again."

**If you've been having problems commenting, I have no idea what's going on, but try commenting under 'anonymous' and just leave your name in the comment :-)

Disclaimer

If you're going to friend me on a social networking site, follow my blog, or spend any "real" time with me... here's a little disclaimer:

I, like most people, like to research and make well informed decisions for my family. Unfortunately, there is an abundance of conflicting information, advice and opinions. There are unreliable and reliable sources everywhere in all kinds of forms: websites, books, articles, doctors, friends, and family. I  pass on any reliable information I find, so that someone can be inspired to  dig deeper and make the best possible choice for themselves. Actually, I hold back a lot of it in fear of offending people. If a friend of mine hadn't shared the valuable information she had with me I'd completely different parent. It changed my life, and I am trying to do the same for someone else who may be peeking in at my life.

Our culture breeds "sources" that spread ideas that require the least activity, commitment, and time. It's hard to sift through all of the parenting techniques and traditions.  I understand though that there are exceptions to everything and ALSO that no one can do 100 percent best at everything. Also, what's best for you may not be best for me and vice versa. Shoot, sometimes we don't even KNOW what's best and just go with what makes the most sense for our circumstance. Go with your instinct and trust the Holy Spirit to guide you, pray to God about every situation, always ask questions and always be seeking out several different sources of information and support for each topic.

I apologize if I have made anyone feel degraded, stupid, or like a bad parent.

Baby Spinach Harvest!

I made calzones for dinner tonight. The recipe called for 10 ounces of spinach, but the bag I bought was only 6 and I had just about 4 ounces ready for picking in my garden. I finally got to harvest something besides herbs! I did a raw taste test and the garden spinach had 5 times more flavor than the store bought. Plus, it was organic! The recipe came from this months Everyday Food Magazine which is a Martha publication. My favorite thing about the magazine is the "Grocery Bag" section. It's a menu plan for weeknight dinners. There are 5 simple, wholesome, adaptable recipes that come with a shopping list. I had over half of the ingredients, so I ended up only spending $40 on groceries for this week. The recipes usually serve four, but we still had leftovers most nights, so lunches were also covered (with the help of a piece of fruit.) A subscription to EDF would be a great investment or gift. I do a jig  in front of the mailbox every month when the new issue arrives.

Seed Starting Adventures

I went to Lowe's today to grab some peat moss for my seed starting mix, but before I settled for the case of it I decided to go over to the seed starting section and see what else they had. I found a concentrated seed starting mix by Burpee for $2.47! It makes 8 quarts in seconds! The package says minutes, but it expands instantly. My Jiffy Greenhouse was $6 and the refill pellets are $3, so this method is much more economical.

I save all kind of containers for future seedlings and plants, especially egg cartons because they aren't biodegradable. They are perfect for seed starting. Here's how I do it:

You'll need seed starting mix, egg cartons, a marker for labeling, and a corn skewer for poking holes.

Poke holes in each area, fill with mix, and use sharpie to make a hole for the seeds! Follow seed packet for planting instructions.