Maternity Photo Series Debut

While pregnant with Stella I took pictures to track my growing baby bump. I didn't get really into it because I hated getting pictures taken of myself. My hair was at an awkward length due to growing it out. It took forever for me to actually start showing because I'm not super tiny. My whole belly was plagued with stretch marks halfway through. I also lost any sense of style. I hated dressing myself. I wouldn't look in the mirror....it was horrible. When my wedding photographer showed up at my door to do a maternity shoot and was shocked. I had no make up on, my hair was pulled back into a mess, and I may as well have been wearing dirty rags.

This time, things are going to be different. My pessimist, depressed side tends to get more extreme than most while I'm growing a human. It's extremely hard for me to deal with gaining weight. The last thing I need are bigger boobs, butt, and hips. I have to learn to deal, so I'm going to force myself to do a simple photo shoot every week as I expand. Hair, make-up, wardrobe - the works! Cameron will be my photographer and Stella my adorable sidekick. I've been perusing thrift stores and clearance racks looking for treasures I can turn into maternity wear to prove you can be a hot mama on a super tight budget

My inspiration for this project came from Bleubird Vintage, one of my favorite blogs. Here is her set of photos and letters to their baby bird. We are no where near as talented as Miss James and her beau, but we're just happy to be able to provide ourselves and our little canaries with memories of our anticipation for their arrival.

Without further ado, the bump:

Not much to see so far

 Stella wanted to see what was going on under there.

 My apple!!

We were taking these just for fun. Trying to get Stella to give baby kisses.

Dear Canary Number Two,

I'm so excited about these next few months of having you all to myself! When your big sister was itty bitty she would coo all the time. It sounded like she was singing to me, so I started calling her my coo coo canary. You might have a different pet name, but for now you will also be a canary. I'm sure you can hear your sister all day keeping things exciting. I can' wait until we can feel and see you move so she realizes you are there. We heard your heartbeat for the first time last week, and it was perfect.

Love you!
Momma

Finding a balance

This crunchy mama is getting tired of going to the grocery store.
I got out of habit ordering from my produce buying club during the holidays (where I get my milk, eggs, and produce) so I have been doing a lot more shopping at Publix. Sometimes I just feel so defeated. I know I would save so much time and money if I just ordered a portion of a grass fed cow and organic grains in bulk, but needing the money up front makes it impossible right now. I get so mad when I'm trying to decide what to buy. Why isn't beef, that was raised the way God intended, available and affordable for everyone buy?

I'm going to admit it here - Buying local and choosing the right food for my family is not always easy. There are systems that are making it easier: buying clubs, co-ops, CSA's are popping up and making organic, locally raised meat, dairy, and produce more accessible and in some cases affordable. Some days I just envy the ignorant.

We started baby step 3 of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University this month.(save 6 months living expenses) This is what is making it so difficult. I'm trying to feed my family naturally on a very small amount of money. We started budgeting again and when I set the monthly grocery budget I made it really low to challenge ourselves. I'm finding it impossible to meet. I've cut out everything I can think of. I thought about doing coupons but many of the coupons are for prepackage  items I refuse to have in our diet. There are a few I can use but nothing like the $100 of groceries for $20 stories I see.

I see the extra money we spend on better ingredients as health insurance and an investment in the future existence of natural foods, so I know I should just increase my food budget and order the bulk items I know will save us money in the long run. Every day without fast food, soda, and other junk is a good day, but we have to maintain the next level at some point. While I'm grocery shopping it's like I have a mini Dave Ramsey on one shoulder and a natural food advocate on the other bickering at me; each one trying to get their way. I need to find a way to make them friends and respect each other.

A pick-me-up for this dreary weather

Time for a garden related post! It just started getting cold here I'm already tired of winter. I always seem to get in a huge rut. I had all sorts of big plans for my winter garden and they flopped. I can't tell you the last time I walked over there (it's at my future house across the street) I had 9 tomato plants, basil, lettuce, and kale doing pretty well, but it's been weeks since I've watered and I'm sure the freeze knocked them out. Sad and uninspiring, I know, but the truth.

On a brighter note  - my Baker's Creek Heirloom Seed Catalog arrived yesterday!!!!I didn't order from this company last year because I didn't find out about them until after I bought all of my seeds from Lowe's.  I've spent many nights browsing their website, but the actual catalog is breathtaking. One of the many reasons I'm crazy about them is they work to uphold our agricultural heritage and do not carry GMO. There are so many new varieties I want to try. I'm super excited about the great selection of Thai vegetables I can impress my grandmother with. If you go to their site you can request your  free catalog, but while you wait, I took a few pictures to share with you.

I couldn't resist....

Tree Pickin'

Trying to start and enjoy family traditions while overcoming what I believe to be prenatal depression hasn't been very successful. I managed to get off of the couch, turn off Sponge Bob, and go out to Whispering Pines in Milton to pick and cut down our Christmas tree with my family. It was a great experience and I can't wait to go back next year. Our seven foot tree was only $18 and they gave us a baby tree to plant. They provide the saw, shaking, and netting. All  you need is a proper vehicle to strap it on. I recommend a 1988 Ford Taurus Station Wagon, but we used my mom's SUV.

This was 'the one.'

Checking for chipmunks.

There was a baby goat nursing and my mom exclaimed, "Look! It's breastfeeding!" Haha. We had a good laugh over that.

I highly recommend a real tree! You only get to have a decorated tree in your house once a year. If you get them at a local farm it's much more budget friendly. They are worth the fuss, in my opinion. That's coming from someone with allergies and a mischievous cat! Here's a site to help you find a farm near you and some great facts about fake Christmas trees.

PS Thanks to my mom for snapping pictures of us so I can finally be included in some of our memories!

Falling in Love

This is a small pillow my mom cross stitched. My father picked it out. I never got to experience my parents "in love" because I was so young when they parted ways. I have a few pieces my mom has made that were started while she was pregnant with me.  Little things like this are a sweet treat that give me glimpses of the love they had for each other that led to me. I'm sure there's a tremendous amount of hope and love in every stitch. My mom gave it to Stella and we keep it on her window seat. It reminds me, "we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)."

A Call To Arms

I'm easily bogged down by the constant reminder of how whacked out or society is. Whether it's a news article, blog post, or a public episode I want to jump to action and changed the world. When I realize that I am one little lady, with an even littler  lady on my hip, who has a mountain of laundry to fold - I get so down and discouraged and want to give up on this what seems to be hopeless world. I don't have the greatest sense of humor and what usually gets me by is a sentimental flicker of hope (or someone else's sense of humor) Two recent experiences reminded me there IS a point to being an advocate (in my case for natural parenting).

I met a pregnant woman and decided to get over my insecurities, introduce myself, and tell her I was very passionate about and somewhat experienced with breastfeeding and if she had any questions or needed any support that I was here for her. She had sort of a negative view about breastfeeding, and willingly let me inform her how fantastic the whole experience is. I made sure to tell her if she decided to try it there would most likely be obstacles and days where you want to give up. (Mastitis UGGG) I have had plenty for sure! She was excited to have another woman her age that is experiencing being a "younger" mother tell her all of this information and we exchanged e-mails. She may not try, but the exciting part is....my backbone is getting stronger and stronger! I get so worried I'm going to offend someone that I lose out on oppurtunities to form relationships and serve other women.

About a week later, I was walking through Target and had Stella in the Moby. It was close to nap time and I wanted to prevent an outbreak. I noticed a woman with an infant carrier attached to her cart eyeing us, so I smiled at her. She walked past, came back and asked, "Is that a Moby?" She was really frustrated because she couldn't figure out how to use it and Target wasn't letting her return it. I gave her some pointers and offered to show her how. I told her how I could nurse Stella while grocery shopping which really turned her on to keeping it which led to telling her about La Leche League meetings. We both walked away feeling much more confident.

So ladies, don't be ashamed to nurse & wear your baby or toddler in public. We are walking billboards that will boost breastfeeding and natural birth rates. Living out our passions is how more women will consider questioning vaccines, choosing chiropractic care, attempting a homebirth or VBAC, and saying no to chemical laden and GMO foods. Resist the urge to be in the closet about the lifestyle choices you've made. Think about tobacco free advocates and all they have gone through and accomplished. Make yourself available for help whether or not you have degree at the end of your name. We may not be the pros, but we know where to get valid information and support.

MOST IMPORTANTLY! Remember to be compassionate. At some point we have all been ignorant, confused or full of pride. Your example is the best witness. A woman is more likely to approach you if you make eye contact and  flash that beautiful smile. God will bring people to you especially if you are willing to serve and love.

My husband said it best to me the other day (in regard to our decision to bedshare), "You really shouldn't doubt yourself and the decisions you've made all the time."

Yes, this is the (improper) use of a Moby Wrap so my husband could play video games.

Getting Dirty

We cleared out our raised beds and prepped them for fall yesterday. The little canaray was QUITE the helper. She also enjoyed treating herself to a mud spa treatment and soil tasting. Unfortunately, I didn't take the camera over to the garden, but you can still enjoy the aftermath :-)

A Hitler-esque mustache on a blonde hair blue eyed babe and that pose! Oh, dear.

This Is Where the Healing Begins

"So you thought you had to keep this up. All the work that you do so we think that you're good. And you can't believe it's not enough. All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside. So let 'em fall down.There's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground. We're here now" -Tenth Avenue North


Most people don't know that Stella wasn't my first pregnancy. That is the way I wanted it. The coping mechanism I most often use for any suffering in my life is to forget. It seems so much easier to pretend that a negative experience didn't happen, but in the long run it is devastating to one's spirit.


Three months into our engagement, Cameron and I found out we were pregnant. In fact, the same night I sat my father down and told him I wanted to postpone our wedding - I was eighteen , six months fresh out of rehab, and just graduated high school - was the night I found out. I know, what a great day. A lot of people tried to help me look on the bright side, "Hey, at least you're getting married! At least you're not in high school!" I was more concerned with the fact that children are brats, we had to cancel our honeymoon to Disney, my beautiful dress that my dad had already paid for wasn't going to fit in three more months, and the last thing I wanted to be was a pregnant bride. (Me, me, me, me!) Other negative realities were I had a 2 pack a day habit, was planning a wedding while working full time as a manager of a small gelatiere/cafe, and did I mention I wasn't very fond of children?


At about 9 1/2 weeks I started to spot. Everyone told me that it was normal. For more days went by and I was very heavy. Finally on a Sunday I trusted my gut and told Cameron we needed to go to the emergency room. It was such a surreal experience. The nurses and doctors didn't communicate very well with us.The whole time I had no idea what was going on until finally, when I was being discharged we asked, "So what's going on?" The nurse getting me ready to go said in a pleasant and cheerful voice, "Oh, you are in the process of having a miscarriage." And showed us the way out.


A few days before I started bleeding I had finally become content and thankful for the blessing of having a child, so although a miscarriage ended up being a huge relief to the selfish part of me, Cameron and I  were devastated. "It just happens a lot" and "At least you were only two months along" did't make it any better. My puppy was missing when we got home from my D & C (she was found.) I thought God was punishing me and told Cameron he was next that was being taken. I recovered and forgot with pain medication, 2 packs a day, long work shifts, and busy wedding plans. I told myself all that it was only a little blob of cells. My wedding dress fit perfectly and we moved on. 


I never thought about the anniversary of the baby's passing much. I couldn't even remember it and had to dig for the date, honestly. Growing, birthing, and nourishing Stella from my body has changed that. This late summer heat has been killing me emotionally. To understand that it wasn't just a blob of cells, but in fact was a baby with a heartbeat and fingers, brought all of the pain back. I realized to simply forget about this tragedy was to deny that there is a little angel baby waiting to meet us in Heaven.


We all bear so much burden whether it's something from our own hand, a natural disaster, or outside attack. We can't make it on our own. It's much more painful to reject God's comfort, healing and joy and keep all the pain tucked away inside of us than to ask for help or confess something. I'm not suggesting everyone tell the whole internet their deepest secrets. Most times it's just admitting things to God between the two of you. Plenty of people are hurting in the same places you are. They're probably the one's you are jealous of or intimated by (I'm speaking from experience) So, this is me letting my walls down, in hopes of healing from the hurt of losing a baby (along with many other hurts) and inspiring you to do so as well.


"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Mopping Solutions

There was a time when I didn't mind and actually almost enjoyed mopping. That was before we moved into my dad's house. It's completely tiled save three of the bedrooms. The best part? This vastly tiled casa is home to a cat, a dog, and a Stella. It gets overwhelming, trying to find a mopping routine while juggling three to four  part-time shifts at Old Navy, playing with and nursing Stella all day, making meals, social interaction with adult humans, running errands, checking Facebook, and the countless other important things I do throughout the week. I CAN remember the last time I mopped the living room and I won't tell you. We have another toddler coming over tomorrow and I didn't want to offend her mother so I decided to mop the living room today!

We made the switch from conventional cleaning products to "eco-friendly" alternatives a couple years ago. Now we are making the switch, inspired by No Impact Man, to natural, homemade cleaners made from inexpensive ingredients we can by in bulk. In addition to saving money and respecting our earth, a huge perk is being able to personalize the solutions to our tastes and preferences. I'm going to share the solutions I find or come up with and let you know if it's working for us or if our home starts smelling like a dirty hippie commune. I would also love for you to share your concoctions and success  (or failure) stories with me!

Mopping Solution
A bucket of water (1 gallon size)
A squirt of Dr. Bronner's (Trust me a tiny squirt is all!)
A few splashes of vinegar (about 1/4 cup)

There are several recipes out there. I decided to start simple. Be sure to use warm or hot water and do not mix straight Dr. B's and straight vinegar together because it will create an oily clumpy mess. So start with the vinegar, then the hot water, and finally the castile soap!I bought my Dr. B's at Target in the beauty department by Burt's Bees. I'm not sure if it's available everywhere. I'm in love with it! Now I just need a decent mop head The floors look great and the house smells like peppermint! It smells cleaner than clean. If you don't dig peppermint, there are several other scents, including eucalyptus or opt for no fragrance. You can use this product for EVERYTHING.

Now for the solution to my lack of a mopping routine.....a maid!! Or speed!!
I can't afford either, so I'll just have to get off my lazy bum.

Ravioli and Tradition

Every year on Thanksgiving I remember making fresh pasta with my grandparents. My grandmother would spend all day tending to the sauce and my grandpa was in charge of the pasta. The most fun was catching the strands of dough which was usually where my "help" came into play. I've always daydreamed about making pasta with my own family and that day is finally here! We made ricotta filled ravioli today. Stella isn't quite ready for dough catching, but here she is turning the crank. She'll be a pasta making pro in no time!